Internal Bleeding

Patient advises dispatch that she's bleeding internally... Because she's on her period.

Reasons to call 911 - a repeat offender

Medic:  "So... what's goin' on?"

Man with swollen testicles:  "My balls are swollen.  I'm in a BAD way right now."

5 days later.  He refused to put his pants on, saying he has none that fit.  Patient was transported in his boxers, a t-shirt and dirty tennis shoes (no socks).

Medic:  "Sir, what is bothering you most right now?"

Man that had swollen testicles last week:  "My butt is itchy.  I'm REAL bad, right now."

When we arrived at the hospital, the MD took one look at him and sent him to the waiting room/triage.  YAY-YAH!

I know Karate, bitch!

We had the great honor of being the first to tell a psych patient he was being sent to mental health.  The case worker lied to him, saying he could go home.  The hospital staff told him nothing.  This already less than stable individual was, to say the least, pissed.  He clung to his mini 7up can, saying there was going to be a Texas chainsaw massacre if we took him to mental health.

He also looked like a leprechaun in a hospital gown.

Leprechaun:  How do I know you're not going to hurt me?

Medic:  Sir, why would you think that little ole' me, would hurt you?

Leprechaun:  How do I know that you don't know... (pause) KARATE?!

Medic:  Sir, I don't know karate.

Where did I hide that key...?

Professionalism

Fail on the call taker's part... AND the hospital staff giving the information.

"My stomach is vibrating"

This man called 911 and got a 4 manned engine AND an ambulance.  Still vibrating.  We HAD to wait around and see if it was true...